Faking News at IITR, one of millions of pages on a website most of us spend twenty six hours a day on. A page (in)famous for putting up outrageous photos and posts; most of them a bit too close to reality for comfort. A page whose Facebook description says, “Satire on the life, events and happenings at IIT Roorkee”. A page, whose admin’s identity is kept secret, maybe for creating an enigmatic illusion of some genius at work (or maybe just to avoid any disciplinary action by the They-who-shall-not-be-named of R). A page, whose sole purpose is to enlighten and amaze its audience with a tickle of comical irony to the everyday happenings here at R. A page, which strangely enough, half the students don’t yet know about.
But, a pretty darn cool page, nevertheless.
When WONA first tried to contact its admin, he simply told us what Wolverine tells the Professor and Magneto to go do when they approach him in the last X-men movie. However, after sincere requests from some of our female members, he finally agreed to give an online interview, subject to two conditions: We would not ask him anything personal that would give away, or in any way endanger the secrecy of, his identity. The interview needs to be conducted, in its entirety, by girls, and girls alone. (How does it even matter when it’s online? Beats us!) We agreed. But just so you know, we didn’t follow the second condition. Now what do you say, Pheker?! (Also dear readers, Pheker, we realize, sounds very wrong if mispronounced. Let’s just call him ‘X’ from now)
WONA: The standard question. Your first crush on campus?
X: Same as everyone else. I cannot dare pick anyone other than Abhidior Fool. But for my current favorite, let’s just say it’s Hairband Bhagwati, my tall dark pretty lady. (Chuckles at his own joke) WONA: Now that we are done with the standard question, tell us why you insisted on being anonymous even though you recently posted that Sid-dearth Saxena and Bunkit Khaitan are behind the page?
X: Do you know how Inception ends? Nolan shows you the totem, not the ending. Sid-dearth and Bunkit craved some attention, I gave it to them. I am a large hearted person. Since they were incapable of doing anything attention worthy and reaping any of the associated benefits, I gave them their shot at fame.
X: Not buts Miss Woe-na, no buts!
WONA: Ok, so how interesting do you find IITR and its junta?
X: The same amount as you find my news reports. Which, if I may not be very modest, are quite gripping. Haan poly bahaut hoti hai yahaa, fests mei kaam kum. Also, I find that the girls here are not fun enough. (Wait, girls. Here? What are you talking about?!)
WONA: The stories you put up are too close to reality. How exactly do you get the stories?
X: You might be surprised to know how much people spill over a chaapo (Beware people! The next time you get an out of the blue chaapo!). The good old nesci/alpahaar food soothes the mind, making the chaapo-reciever lose his guard. All you need to do is keep your eyes and ears peeled. There’s a lot going around the campus, observation skills are all it takes.
WONA: It has been quite a hectic time for facebook, what with the confessions and proposal pages. How come no faking news was put up about them? Or maybe a witty fake confession?
X: Maybe I already did and you all believed it to be true?
WONA: How do you find Watch Out? Hardly ever mention us?
X: Bhai angrezi toh mai bhi likhta hu, par wo sabko samajh aati hai. Your writers are welcome to come take tips from me, English for the mango-people. You know, aam-aadmi? Saif Kha-ali Khan? No. Doesn’t matter. Also speaking of pheking news, people will be much more interested if it were more about actual people. It might just increase your popularity, without of course reducing the quality. Maybe you could pay me to write?! (Of course we could. But unfortunately the government stopped minting 10p coins.)